i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
