you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
