Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
