So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
