So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
