my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I need water and some morals
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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