I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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