Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
