he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
