yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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