Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
