ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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