Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I got a message the other day that just said “great titsâ€
A gentleman AND a scholar
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