No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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