Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
