I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I woke up under a house in Key West
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
