Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
