I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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