You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
