I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
