Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
