Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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