I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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