I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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