With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
