high people should be assigned attendants
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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