you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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