I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
