I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
