Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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