I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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