You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
