I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
