I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
