I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
