1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
