I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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