You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
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