I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
