There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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