My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She's the barista slut.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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