This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I seem to have left my pride at pride
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize