I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it hurts more in the daytime
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
