when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
