I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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