he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!