i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho