Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
