I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
