You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
