Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
