I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
