please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
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