you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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