I'm drive I can fine osifer
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
