We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If I die, sorry about rent.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
