Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize