I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
