A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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