So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
