Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
